no outsides

the baby cries
you feed her lies
showing her doors that have
no outsides

she's lived this way
you know, she's always lived this way
does that make it right?

you make her so angry
she's tried to just leave you alone
she'll never escape this
i wish you would just let her go
she wants to go

you hush the child now
mother is never, ever wrong
must throw back her head now
must sing along

she fears the guilt now
that's part of your plan
"everything i do for you
you don't understand"

you make her so angry
she's tried to just leave you alone
she'll never escape you
i wish you would just let her go
she wants to go

there's never a phone call
she doesn't visit anymore
i think that she hates you
...
i think that she's crying on the floor

you make me so angry
i've tried to just leave you alone
i'll never escape this
i wish you would just let me go
let me go

could someone come save me?
i'm sick of feeling alone
there's no way to escape this
i wish you would just let me go
let me go
let me go
i want to go
i want to go

the baby she cries
and you feed her lies
showing her doors that have
no outsides

the rain behind our backs

to kennedy, jocelyn, heather, paul, miranda, kayla, oliver, kenzie, particularly audrey and even wyatt:

i love you. i really do.

thanks for making my year.

end.

i'm done with singing your song
there'll be no more singing along
i ripped it into little pieces
then put it away as a warning
to myself; don't lie to her
anymore
it's wrong.

i guess it's all come clear
i should've listened to my fears
i just didn't want to be right
my doubts, they saw right through
my own facade
right here

everything feels wrong now
i should've just taken a bow
and gotten the fuck out
what a performance
what a betrayal

am i broken
that's not fair
i just want to be whole.

light years away

it's almost like you had it planned
it's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
"hey, i'm about to screw you over big time."
and what was i supposed to do?
i was caught in between you and
a hard place
we won't talk about the hard place.

but i don't blame you anymore
that's too much pain to store
it left me halfdead
inside my head
and boy, looking back i see
i'm not the girl i used to be
when i lost my mind
it saved my life

it's how you wanted it to be
it's like you played a joke on me and i lost a friend
in the end
and i think that i cried for days
but now that seems light years away
and i'm never going back
to who i was

cause i don't blame you anymore
that's too much pain to store
it left me half-dead
inside my head
and boy, looking back i see
i'm not the girl i used to be
when i lost my mind
it saved my life

i think i cried for days
but now that seems light years away
and i'm never going back
to who i was

cause i don't blame you anymore
that's too much pain to store
it left me half-dead
inside my head
and boy, looking back i see
i'm not the girl i used to be
when i lost my mind
it saved my life

that life
seems light
light year away
light years away

that life
seems light
light years away
light years away...

worries and a half

"what if you're gay?"
"what if it's only because he's your only option?"
"what if it's just because you want someone?"
"what if people say stupid things?"
"what if he gets bored of you?"
"what if your parents are idiots?"
"what if you aren't as fully invested as you should be?"
"why can't you figure things out? it's not a good sign"
"what if you find someone else?"

shut up. shut up. shut up.

so used to being wrong, i have to find a million reasons not to be right.

take a deep breath, and just laugh.

epiphany

peel off my outside
and then kiss me soft and slow
never let me go

thrown into my mind
never knew i was this sappy
slowly letting go

they think it's a bad idea
part of me wants to wait still
keep you from hurting

all this time now passed
i couldn't want you fully
i wasn't quite ready

secretly scared that
if i want you, you'll just stop
i'll be hurt again

is there no chase in
relationships? i don't know
other ways to keep you

broke all my rules now
i don't trust me; but all signs
in here point to yes

what i want

if i never wake up wanting anyone again
if this goes on and on and we just stop asking when
if the nights i spend wanting out number the nights i sleep
maybe we should just do this

cause if i am honest with me
some days, you almost trick me
and i can't remember what's holding me back

i'm not going to do what's right anymore
and i'm not going to dwell on this thought
i'm not going to make these decisions
i'm just going to do what i want

if in a couple of months, you still want to be my baby
if by that point, i still haven't driven you crazy
if you still can't imagine life without me in your head
maybe we should fall

cause if i am honest now
i still can't fathom how
anyone could love me the way you do

i'm not going to do what's right anymore
and i'm not going to dwell on this thought
i'm not going to make these decisions
i'm just going to do what i want

if this mess can continue on forever
well, i don't have a problem with that...

i'm not going to do what's right anymore
and i'm not going to dwell on this thought
i'm not going to make these decisions
i'm just going to do what i want