full circle

a year ago today, i fell in love with my future best friend

he's beautiful.
and i'm happy.

because archive wanted me too

emily wants to know why everyone hates themselves.

don't cut.
don't cry.
don't throw up.
don't get angry.

please just try to love yourself as much as i love you.

fake

i don't think you understand the enormity of work it takes to keep myself in your world
i mean, some days i just want to curl up under my covers and never come out again
or just go back and be that girl i was before i met highschool
i mean, what right do i have to be here?
it's so hard to convince myself i'm worth it
so hard to convince myself i can do it
so hard to be what i want to be

but as long as i hush it up, i might just be able to fake it

jealous

it seems to be the best indicator of love is jealousy
i hated him
and realized i loved her
i hated them
cause i knew i loved him
now he hates both of them

so i know he loves me.

PLEASE

Pleasedon'tgopleasedon'tgopleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE
I don't think I could deal with doing that all again
And it would be even worse this time
Because I was so ready to make this forever
Deep down inside I knew I was taking it for granted
It was too good to be true
I couldn't stand it if I never saw you again.
PLEASE STAY.

Please.

too damn bad

homophobia is so terribly unfortunate
not only is it ignorant and unfair
and forces you to write me off
but it also forces me to write you off as well

because being true to myself and happy about it
well, that's worth more than any homophobe

oh, and my friends who are gay?
they could own you any time

between two worlds

sometimes I watch the ghost of my potential future slide over, wrap her arms around him and kiss him. and he loves her back, you can see it in his eyes.
i can feel it in my bones.
you can watch that me throw herself into those friendships, the ones that are new and fit perfectly and feel really good
and do you know what? those friendships run hand in hand with getting him.

but there's still the scraps of that old world hanging around
those scraps, they don't feel good anymore
it doesn't feel good to hold on to them, even though it's the right thing to do
why do we have to listen to the potential future talk shit about the embarrassing past?
we shouldn't, because a huge part of us belongs to that past
and those people, living fully in that past
well, they're good people
and they do care about us

so we hang between worlds
one day, we hope to have finally let go of that old world
and in our wildest dreams, be sitting fully in that potential future
it would be beautiful
but would it be right?